Let’s start with why.

Like, why do we need another founder writing a blog.

Bullfight critics row on row

Crowds the enormous plaza full

But there is only one who knows

He who fights the bull

I love this poem. Agree with it too. Apart from one bit. I posit that even ‘He’ doesn’t know.

The fellow is barely keeping alive. He has no time to introspect and look within and ponder why the bull’s so angry at him. All he knows is that the bloody thing is trying to tear him up. Sure, he is getting stronger and all. But it’s tiring. There’s no rest. Not much thought either.

Someday, when the bull get’s tired and gives him a break, he’ll think about what just happened. Till then, we fight.

Hi. I am Shashank. Founder at The Whole Truth Foods. And after five years of fighting my bull, we’ve built some rapport, and have agreed to take a small break every weekend.

I shall use this break to reflect on the nature of this beast. And share it, via this blog, with others fighting their own bulls.

But wait! From the corner of my eye, I see my bull using this time to recharge. Come Monday, and it’s going to come at me with renewed fury. No mercy with this one.  But hey, I booked my own Uber to this colosseum. Can’t complain.

———————————————-

I don’t come from a business family. My dad spent 40 years at ONGC. Mom spent similar time teaching Maths at a Government school. I’ve always been surrounded by ‘salaried’ people. I know not the cadence of business life.

Infact, in my family, we used to look down upon ‘business-families’. The word was always spoken with an undertone of ‘tax evasion’, ‘shady dealings’ and ‘too much gold on their women’.

Cut to, I find myself running a startup. A business. Five years now. And I still don’t see myself as a businessman. Old-school, profit-making (so passé) businessmen agree.

But the rest of the world, funnily, calls me an entrepreneur. Founder & CEO of The Whole Truth foods. That self-assured guy who courageously went for his dreams and is building a super-cool startup in India.

Hmm. I do think of myself as an entrepreneur. As someone who makes something out of nothing. I love creation. So any synonym of creator, I dig.

But on most days, I feel neither self-assured, nor courageous.

Really, how could you? Creation is so tough!

You start with a nebulous vision you can barely see yourself. Then you fake self-assuredness and clarity to get potential partners/collaborators/investors on board. And then you live in hope. That it’ll get clearer with time.

But here’s the kick in the nuts no one talks about. It does. But also doesn’t. In many ways, it gets blurrier.

I mean sure, I had many doubts before starting up. Should I do this (or that)? Can I do this? Am I meant to do this? Am I meant to do this?

But now that I’ve spent half a decade tussling with this bull, I’m discovering the true nature of this beast. Yes, I found some answers. But I’ve also found many (many) more questions.

Build with purpose? Or build for profit?

Take people along? Or do whatever serves the business?

Grow tremendously on one dimension? Or moderately on all?

Is everyone looking at me? Is no one looking at me!?

Take advice? Or (stop being so indecisive and) just take a call (goddamit)?

They love me. They’ll never leave. We’re in this together. Right. Right?

I love creation. Hate management. But who’ll manage my creation if I don’t? But who’ll keep creating if I start managing?

Am I scaling?

Am I enough?

I could go on. I’m starting this blog because I intend to.

Another reason I’m starting this blog is because I have a love-hate relationship with founder-parties (stay with me).

I love them because I get to meet the my kind of people. Creators. Doers. These people aren’t sitting on the sidelines complaining. They’re in the arena, fighting their own bull. Respect.

But I hate ‘em because inevitably, I’ll find myself with some young(er) founder looking at me all starry-eyed, as the man who must have all the answers.

How do I tell you, oh young one, that I am still all questions. I have questions you’ve not thought of yet. I have questions I wish you never do.

Then I see other ‘senior’ founders (and VCs, ugh), answering similar questions. Confidently.

How can you be confident? You know how different everyone’s journey, everyone’s context is? You know how infinitely variable this perfectly random world is? You’ve built something big and beautiful and lovely. Surely, you know, very vividly, all that you don’t.

How are you so confident then? Wait, are you still faking it? Does it ever stop? Oh come here you crazy child, let me give you a hug.

So maybe that’s why I’m starting this blog. As a bear hug to all entrepreneurs. Past, present and future. Junior and senior. And most of all, to myself. God knows I need it.

PS: Oh if you’re wondering about the blog’s name (maybe I should’ve explained that first). Most people start pre-30 (Young, energetic, nothing to lose). Or post 40 (bored, kids in school, searching for meaning). I started at 34. Neither the energy of a 25-year old. Nor the wisdom (or financially security) of a 45. This fundamental stupidity, I feel, gives me a unique vantage point to view this journey from. You’ll see how, as you read the blog.